Software Sholay

Gabbar sends Kalia and his other two colleagues to Ramgad for collecting the 'loot-maar' software which he ordered.
They reach Ramgad and start shouting, "Abey oh Thakur. Baahar nikal. Kahan hai woh loot-maar software joh hamne order kiya tha."
Dhaniya, an old man comes out with a floppy in his hand.
Kalia: Kya laye ho dhaniya.
Dhaniya: Financial accounting software hai sarkar.
Kalia: Suwar ke bachche. Yeh bekar software hamare liye banaya aur woh loot-mar software kya apni beti ke baratiyon ke liye zip file mein chupa rakha hai,
haraam zada.
Thakur comes out of his house seething with anger.
Thakur: Chillao mat Kalia. Jaakar Gabbar se keh do ki Thakur software waloh ne paagal kutton ke liye software banana band kar diya hai.
Kalia: Bahut garmi dikha rahe ho Thakur. Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?
Thakur: Nazar utha kar dekh Kalia tere sar par power builder chal raha hai.
Kalia lifts his head.He sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one water tank and Jay (Amitabh) on another water tank, punching the keys of a laptop.
Kalia starts laughing and says, "Haa haa...ye log programming karenge Thakur. Haa haa.. inko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate. Suno Ramgad ke vasiyon, Thakur ne hijdon ki software company banayi hai.
Veeru: Chup chap chala ja Kaalia, hum log consultants hain, kuch bhi kar sakte hai.
Jay hits some commands on his keyboard.
Jay: Jao Kalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya.
Kalia: Jaata hoon Thakur. Agar Gabbar ko pata chala ki Thakur software services walon ne uska loot-maar software nahin banaya to woh purey network mein virus daal dega.

At Gabbar's den
Gabbar: Kitney bugs they?
Kalia: Do sarkaar.
Gabbar: Woh do! Aur tum teen! Phir bhi fix nahin kar sake? Kya soch ke aaye the? Gabbar bahut khus hoga. Naya assignment dega, kyoon? Iski saja milegi. Barobar milegi! (Snatches an X terminal from Sambha) Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?
Sambha: Chhay Sarkaar.
Gabbar: Session chhay aur programmer teen. Bahut na insaafi hai. (Logout... logout.. logout...)
Haan..ab theek hai...ab tera kya hoga Kalia?
Kalia: Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha sarkar?
Gabbar: To ab documentation likh! (Logout....)

Funny Movie Names

Munna Bhi MCSE
Kal MSN Ho Na Ho
Love in mIRC
Tere Nick
ID Mil Gaya
Chat tu Kero
Ek Programmer Thi
Yeh Hack Horaha Hai
Hum Pyar PC Se Kar Baithe
Network Ke Us Paar
Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
Aao Chat Kare
C++ Wale Job Le Jayenge
Programmer No.1
Mera Naam Developer
Hum Apke Memory Mein Rahate Hein
Do Processor, Baarah Terminal
Tera Code Chal Gaya
Har Din Jo Mail Karega
Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehatha Hai
Raju Ban Gaya MCSE ..!
Client Ek Numbari, C ++Programmer Dus Numbari
Login Karo Sajana
Naukar PC Ka
1942 -- A Bug Story
Kaho Na Virus Hai
Crash Se Crash Tak
Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
Shaheed Hacker Singh
Password De Ke Dekho
Terminal Apna , Login Parayi
Mr. Network Lal
Terminal Sajaake Rakhna
Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani
Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha
Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi
Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice Quotes

If you throw Mud on other's you'll loose the Ground.
If you are an idiot, better keep your mouth shut because once you open it you clear all doubts.
Getting married is not the only thing. There are many other ways to break your head. - Baqtiar.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
A mobile phone is the only thing about which a man can proudly say, "Mine is smaller than yours!"
Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
 
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And then it was too late."

DHOLAK KE GEET

 

samdhan kho gaayi maan charminar ki sadak pay samdhan kho gaayi maan. Idhar dekhi udhar dekhi charminar ki galiyaan ,Hai samdhan mil gaayi maan joday waalay ki dukaan pay samdhan mil gaayi maan.

Bhai hamaray ho gaye bhabi kay deewanay allah,Bhabi ko hamaray saree bhi saajay, Bhai hamaray ho gaye pallo kay deewanay allah , Bhabi ko hamaray joda bhi saajay , Bhai hamaray ho gaye kangan kay deewanay allah

Banay posay kyaa kya waroon maan, Heeray wari moti bhi waari ,banay posay than mun waaroon maa.

banay teray jaybon ku heeray lagay,Ashrafiyaan luta they aaya bana, Banay teray baazuku baawa khaday ,susray ku nachatay aaya bana.

Dailaan mein pinaaye haar kyaa qushnuma bana kay, maali nay laya gehna malan nay layi haar,amma nay pinaaye haar kyaa qushnuma bana kay. Raat ka jaaganwa mora dushala pinaya maa, thussi laya jhumkay laya kangan ko tarsaaya maa.

Paayal baajay do pairiya mein chananana ray , unchi maadi buland darwaaza raani phirti Bhai kulcha Patel ki, chananana ray , Kulcha Bhai yeh Bhabi kay liye hai !

Samdan ki sheqi pe matthi pado mein sharam say margai munni kay bawa , Samdan ka kala chashma mein jal gayi allah , sheqi mein aako chashma utari dikh ko gaya seedhi aankhi ka phulla ,samdan kay kaalay balaan mein jal gayi allah , sheqi mein aako choti jo jhatki gir ko gaya wo kalay balon ka chutlaa ...

Kali Murgi Kho gaye na, suno maheloowalo meri kali murgi kho gaye na- saas pooche bahu begum kase mein pakae, dal chanwal ambadee ki bhaje kali murgi kho gaye na...I don't remember next lines but when her husband says, dulan begum kase mein ka pakae,she says " murgi ka salan, ghee ki parate kali murgi mel gaye na...

mere ghar main rahko..baatan amman bava ke kartain / yaan ka kha ko vaan ka garain..nain bole to sunte nain

munh par makeup thoop ko..jati umar ke pichhe mut bhago / gai so jawani phir nain aati..nain bole tu sunte nain

balon main chutla jode tu..banta hai dil ka jooda / laikin balan cut karvarain..nain bole tu sunte nain

unke balan kat hone tak..mere sir main ginti ke..hain so balan jhad ko jarain..nain bole tu sunte nain

charbi chhat ko duble padh gain..yek hafte se tahel ko aain chalte chalte dhaklian kha rain...nain bole tu sunte nain

jab puchha samdhi se main..kya samdhan ummid se hain / sharma ko bas itna bole..nain bole tu sunte nain

10 golden rules to become rich!
Once you decide to put your money to work to build long-term wealth, you have to decide, not whether to take risk, but what kind of risk you wish to take. Here are 10 investing rules that can make you rich:

1. There's no escaping risk

Once you decide to put your money to work to build long-term wealth, you have to decide, not whether to take risk, but what kind of risk you wish to take.

Yes, money in a savings account is dollar-safe, but those safe dollars are apt to be substantially eroded by inflation, a risk that almost guarantees you will fail to reach your wealth goals.

And yes, money in the stock market is very risky over the short-term, but, if well-diversified, should provide remarkable growth with a high degree of consistency over the long term.

2. Buy right and hold tight

The most critical decision you face is arriving at the proper allocation of assets in your investment portfolio -- stocks for growth of capital and growth of income, bonds for conservation of capital and current income.

Once you get your balance right, then just hold tight, no matter how high a greedy stock market flies, nor how low a frightened market plunges. Change the allocation only as your investment profile changes. Begin by considering a 50/50 stock/bond-cash balance, then raise the stock allocation if:

You have many years remaining to accumulate wealth.
The amount of capital you have at stake is modest.
You don't have much need for current income from your investments.
You have the courage to ride out the stock market booms and busts with reasonable equanimity.
As these factors are reversed, reduce the 50 per cent stock allocation accordingly.

3. Time is your friend, impulse your enemy

Think long term, and don't allow transitory changes in stock prices to alter your investment program. There is a lot of noise in the daily volatility of the stock market, which too often is 'a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing'.

Stocks may remain overvalued, or undervalued, for years. Realize that one of the greatest sins of investing is to be captured by the siren song of the market, luring you into buying stocks when they are soaring and selling when they are plunging.

Impulse is your enemy. Why? Because market timing is impossible. Even if you turn out to be right when you sold stocks just before a decline (a rare occurrence!), where on earth would you ever get the insight that tells you the right time to get back in? One correct decision is tough enough. Two correct decisions are nigh on impossible.

Time is your friend. If, over the next 25 years, stocks produce a 10% return and a savings account produces a 5% return, $10,000 would grow to $108,000 in stocks vs. $34,000 in savings. (After 3% inflation, $54,000 vs $16,000). Give yourself all the time you can.

4. Realistic expectations: the bagel and the doughnut

These two different kinds of baked goods symbolize the two distinctively different elements of stock market returns.

It is hardly farfetched to consider that investment return -- dividend yields and earnings growth -- is the bagel of the stock market, for the investment return on stocks reflects their underlying character: nutritious, crusty and hard-boiled.

By the same token, speculative return -- wrought by any change in the price that investors are willing to pay for each dollar of earnings -- is the spongy doughnut of the market, reflecting changing public opinion about stock valuations, from the soft sweetness of optimism to the acid sourness of pessimism.

The substantive bagel-like economics of investing are almost inevitably productive, but the flaky, doughnut-like emotions of investors are anything but steady -- sometimes productive, sometimes counterproductive.

In the long run, it is investment return that rules the day. In the past 40 years, the speculative return on US stocks has been zero, with the annual investment return of 11.2% precisely equal to the stock market's total return of 11.2% per year.

But in the first 20 of those years, investors were sour on the economy's prospects, and a tumbling price-earnings ratio provided a speculative return of minus 4.6% per year, reducing the nutritious annual investment return of 12.1% to a market return of just 7.5%. From 1981 to 2001, however, the outlook sweetened, and a soaring P/E ratio produced a sugary 5% speculative boost to the investment return of 10.3%.

Result: The market return leaped to 15.3% -- double the return of the prior two decades.

The lesson: Enjoy the bagel's healthy nutrients, and don't count on the doughnut's sweetness to enhance them.

5. Why look for the needle in the haystack? Buy the haystack!

Experience confirms that buying the right stocks, betting on the right investment style, and picking the right money manager -- in each case, in advance -- is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Investing in equities entails four risks: stock risk, style risk, manager risk, and market risk. The first three of these risks can easily be eliminated, simply by owning the entire stock market -- owning the haystack, as it were -- and holding it forever.

Owning the entire stock market is the ultimate diversifier. If you can't find the needle, buy the haystack.

6. Minimize the croupier's take

The resemblance of the stock market to the casino is not far-fetched. Yes, the stock market is a positive-sum game and the gambling casino is a zero-sum game . . . but only before the costs of playing each game are deducted. After the heavy costs of financial intermediaries (commissions, management fees, taxes, etc.) are deducted, beating the stock market is inevitably a loser's game. Just as, after the croupiers' wide rake descends, beating the casino is inevitably a loser's game. All investors as a group must earn the market's return before costs, and lose to the market after costs, and by the exact amount of those costs.

Your greatest chance of earning the market's return, therefore, is to reduce the croupiers' take to the bare-bones minimum. When you read about stock market returns, realize that the financial markets are not for sale, except at a high price.

The difference is crucial. If the market's return is 10% before costs, and intermediation costs are approximately 2%, then investors earn 8%. Compounded over 50 years, 8% takes $10,000 to $469,000. But at 10%, the final value leaps to $1,170,000 -- nearly three times as much . . . just by eliminating the croupier's take.

7. Beware of fighting the last war

Too many investors -- individuals and institutions alike -- are constantly making investment decisions based on the lessons of the recent, or even the extended, past. They seek technology stocks after they have emerged victorious from the last war; they worry about inflation after it becomes the accepted bogeyman, they buy bonds after the stock market has plunged.

You should not ignore the past, but neither should you assume that a particular cyclical trend will last forever. None does. Just because some investors insist on 'fighting the last war,' you don't need to do so yourself. It doesn't work for very long.

8. Sir Isaac Newton's revenge on Wall Street -- return to the mean

Through all history, investments have been subject to a sort of law of gravity: What goes up must go down, and, oddly enough, what goes down must go up. Not always of course (companies that die rarely live again), and not necessarily in the absolute sense, but relative to the overall market norm.

For example, stock market returns that substantially exceed the investment returns generated by earnings and dividends during one period tend to revert and fall well short of that norm during the next period. Like a pendulum, stock prices swing far above their underlying values, only to swing back to fair value and then far below it.

Another example: From the start of 1997 through March 2000, Nasdaq stocks (+230%) soared past NYSE-listed stocks (+20%), only to come to a screeching halt. During the subsequent year, Nasdaq stocks lost 67% of their value, while NYSE stocks lost just 7%, reverting to the original market value relationship (about one to five) between the so-called 'new economy' and the 'old economy.'

Reversion to the mean is found everywhere in the financial jungle, for the mean is a powerful magnet that, in the long run, finally draws everything back to it.

9. The hedgehog bests the fox

The Greek philosopher Archilochus tells us, 'The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one great thing.' The fox -- artful, sly, and astute -- represents the financial institution that knows many things about complex markets and sophisticated marketing.

The hedgehog -- whose sharp spines give it almost impregnable armour when it curls into a ball -- is the financial institution that knows only one great thing: long-term investment success is based on simplicity.

The wily foxes of the financial world justify their existence by propagating the notion that an investor can survive only with the benefit of their artful knowledge and expertise. Such assistance, alas, does not come cheap, and the costs it entails tend to consume more value-added performance than even the most cunning of foxes can provide.

Result: The annual returns earned for investors by financial intermediaries such as mutual funds have averaged less than 80% of the stock market's annual return.

The hedgehog, on the other hand, knows that the truly great investment strategy succeeds, not because of its complexity or cleverness, but because of its simplicity and low cost. The hedgehog diversifies broadly, buys and holds, and keeps expenses to the bare-bones minimum.

The ultimate hedgehog: The all-market index fund, operated at minimal cost and with minimal portfolio turnover, virtually guarantees nearly 100% of the market's return to the investor.

In the field of investment management, foxes come and go, but hedgehogs are forever.

10. Stay the course: the secret of investing is that there is no secret

When you consider these previous nine rules, realize that they are about neither magic and legerdemain, nor about forecasting the unforecastable, nor about betting at long and ultimately unsurmountable odds, nor about learning some great secret of successful investing.

In fact, there is no great secret, only the majesty of simplicity. These rules are about elementary arithmetic, about fundamental and unarguable principles, and about that most uncommon of all attributes, common sense.

Owning the entire stock market through an index fund -- all the while balancing your portfolio with an appropriate allocation to an all bond market index fund -- with its cost-efficiency, its tax-efficiency, and its assurance of earning for you the market's return, is by definition a winning strategy.

But if only you follow one final rule for successful investing, perhaps the most important principle of all investment wisdom: Stay the course!

How the Sensex is calculated

For the premier Bombay Stock Exchange that pioneered the stock broking activity in India, 128 years of experience seems to be a proud milestone. A lot has changed since 1875 when 318 persons became members of what today is called The Stock Exchange, Mumbai by paying a princely amount of Re 1.

Since then, the country's capital markets have passed through both good and bad periods. The journey in the 20th century has not been an easy one. Till the decade of eighties, there was no scale to measure the ups and downs in the Indian stock market. The Stock Exchange, Mumbai in 1986 came out with a stock index that subsequently became the barometer of the Indian stock market.

Sensex is not only scientifically designed but also based on globally accepted construction and review methodology. First compiled in 1986, Sensex is a basket of 30 constituent stocks representing a sample of large, liquid and representative companies.

The base year of Sensex is 1978-79 and the base value is 100. The index is widely reported in both domestic and international markets through print as well as electronic media.

The Index was initially calculated based on the "Full Market Capitalization" methodology but was shifted to the free-float methodology with effect from September 1, 2003. The "Free-float Market Capitalization" methodology of index construction is regarded as an industry best practice globally. All major index providers like MSCI, FTSE, STOXX, S&P and Dow Jones use the Free-float methodology. (See below: Explanation with an example)

Due to is wide acceptance amongst the Indian investors; Sensex is regarded to be the pulse of the Indian stock market. As the oldest index in the country, it provides the time series data over a fairly long period of time (From 1979 onwards). Small wonder, the Sensex has over the years become one of the most prominent brands in the country.

The growth of equity markets in India has been phenomenal in the decade gone by. Right from early nineties the stock market witnessed heightened activity in terms of various bull and bear runs. The Sensex captured all these events in the most judicial manner. One can identify the booms and busts of the Indian stock market through Sensex.

Sensex Calculation Methodology

Sensex is calculated using the "Free-float Market Capitalization" methodology. As per this methodology, the level of index at any point of time reflects the Free-float market value of 30 component stocks relative to a base period. The market capitalization of a company is determined by multiplying the price of its stock by the number of shares issued by the company. This market capitalization is further multiplied by the free-float factor to determine the free-float market capitalization.

The base period of Sensex is 1978-79 and the base value is 100 index points. This is often indicated by the notation 1978-79=100. The calculation of Sensex involves dividing the Free-float market capitalization of 30 companies in the Index by a number called the Index Divisor.

The Divisor is the only link to the original base period value of the Sensex. It keeps the Index comparable over time and is the adjustment point for all Index adjustments arising out of corporate actions, replacement of scrips etc. During market hours, prices of the index scrips, at which latest trades are executed, are used by the trading system to calculate Sensex every 15 seconds and disseminated in real time.

Dollex-30

BSE also calculates a dollar-linked version of Sensex and historical values of this index are available since its inception.

Understanding Free-float Methodology

Free-float Methodology refers to an index construction methodology that takes into consideration only the free-float market capitalisation of a company for the purpose of index calculation and assigning weight to stocks in Index. Free-float market capitalization is defined as that proportion of total shares issued by the company that are readily available for trading in the market.

It generally excludes promoters' holding, government holding, strategic holding and other locked-in shares that will not come to the market for trading in the normal course. In other words, the market capitalization of each company in a Free-float index is reduced to the extent of its readily available shares in the market.

In India, BSE pioneered the concept of Free-float by launching BSE TECk in July 2001 and Bankex in June 2003. While BSE TECk Index is a TMT benchmark, Bankex is positioned as a benchmark for the banking sector stocks. Sensex becomes the third index in India to be based on the globally accepted Free-float Methodology.


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Example
Suppose the Index consists of only 2 stocks: Stock A and Stock B.

Suppose company A has 1,000 shares in total, of which 200 are held by the promoters, so that only 800 shares are available for trading to the general public. These 800 shares are the so-called 'free-floating' shares.

Similarly, company B has 2,000 shares in total, of which 1,000 are held by the promoters and the rest 1,000 are free-floating.

Now suppose the current market price of stock A is Rs 120. Thus, the 'total' market capitalisation of company A is Rs 120,000 (1,000 x 120), but its free-float market capitalisation is Rs 96,000 (800 x 120).

Similarly, suppose the current market price of stock B is Rs 200. The total market capitalisation of company B will thus be Rs 400,000 (2,000 x 200), but its free-float market cap is only Rs 200,000 (1,000 x 200).

So as of today the market capitalisation of the index (i.e. stocks A and B) is Rs 520,000 (Rs 120,000 + Rs 400,000); while the free-float market capitalisation of the index is Rs 296,000. (Rs 96,000 + Rs 200,000).

The year 1978-79 is considered the base year of the index with a value set to 100. What this means is that suppose at that time the market capitalisation of the stocks that comprised the index then was, say, 60,000 (remember at that time there may have been some other stocks in the index, not A and B, but that does not matter), then we assume that an index market cap of 60,000 is equal to an index-value of 100.

Thus the value of the index today is = 296,000 x 100/60,000 = 493.33

This is how the Sensex is calculated.

The factor 100/60000 is called index divisor.


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The 30 Sensex stocks are:

ACC, Ambuja Cements, Bajaj Auto [Get Quote], BHEL, Bharti Airtel [Get Quote], Cipla, DLF, Grasim Industries [Get Quote], HDFC [Get Quote], HDFC Bank, Hindalco Industries [Get Quote], Hindustan Lever [Get Quote], ICICI Bank [Get Quote], Infosys [Get Quote], ITC, Larsen & Toubro, Mahindra & Mahindra, Maruti Udyog [Get Quote], NTPC, ONGC [Get Quote], Ranbaxy Laboratories [Get Quote], Reliance Communications [Get Quote], Reliance Energy [Get Quote], Reliance Industries [Get Quote], Satyam Computer Services [Get Quote], State Bank of India [Get Quote], Tata Consultancy Services [Get Quote], Tata Motors [Get Quote], Tata Steel [Get Quote], and Wipro [Get Quote].